I was asked to contemplate my intentions for beginning yet another year long advanced immersion. It was made clear that it wasn't a teacher training, that we should be taking the immersion for our own growth and practice and not planning to "learn it to teach it." Out of the 10 or so accepted into the immersion, over half (myself included) are actively teaching yoga classes. This has been my conundrum.
My personal journey in yoga began just over 11 years ago after the birth of my first child. It was then I truly 'opened to Grace' and realized that I will no longer (if I ever did) have control over my life. I began, very tentatively, to investigate yoga as a way to surrender to the Universal. I had never considered yoga as a way to get fit (at that time, I hadn't realized Madonna's commitment to it as a fitness regime.) I was searching for anything to help me cope with the unexpected challenges of single-motherhood.
Practice began VERY simply. One day a week (sometimes more, sometimes less) I attended classes at a house in a historic neighborhood of Spokane. The classes were taught by women. It was $8 to drop in. It was mostly about devotional chanting...I remember some asanas, but they don't stand out it my memory as much as the mantras we sang together. After a few months of classes, I researched the idea of visiting an Ashram with my baby daughter. It turned out to be infeasible. Although, they were very kind and welcoming in helping to come up with solutions to care for her while I was assisting on the grounds...it would be too complicated. So my journey took a detour. For awhile. It wasn't long before I found a practice FAR different than the one I had come into at first. Much more physical, it didn't have the demands of chant or meditation or study. Because of this, it was EASIER. Though, by then I had met my husband and had my second baby and I wasn't in the same place I was emotionally with my first. I looked to yoga for a different reason. Now it was ALL about the shoulders, baby. How many chatturangas can I do (how many is she gonna MAKE me do?) Turns out, just ENOUGH to wreck my right rotator cuff. Oops. Too many classes without enough instruction. I'd spent at least an active decade in the gym prior to finding yoga so I was strong...and I had a decent understanding of anatomy. But not in the context of yoga. Alas, time to move on.
While I was pregnant with my third baby, I reconnected with an old friend. Turns out she was a certified Anusara yoga teacher. Until then, I had never heard of Anusara. I invited her to present a workshop at one of the gyms that I worked at. Not enough people knew of Anusara at that time (at least in Spokane) so the workshop was canceled. But, I became curious. I began investigating locally for Anusara teachers. There were NONE in Spokane. Couer D'Alene had Karen, though! I went to the first class I could. I was hooked. Such a different energy than ANY other form I'd practiced (not that I'd practiced many...) Really embracing. We might have done one chatturanga. But, her knowledge of anatomy and the thought that went into her sequence was overwhelming! I'd never attended a class with a THEME. A theme that was woven seamlessly throughout the entire class and through most postures. It was lovely. I was in love!
Not too long after that first class, I became a devoted student of Karen's (and John Friend) and enrolled in the first year-long Anusara immersion. Life happened in the middle of that first one, so I had to postpone my studies. I re-enrolled the following Fall for the same immersion. Finished it nearly a year later. I can't believe how MUCH it changed my life. The changes weren't so obvious on the outside, and, in fact, probably the only person who noticed any difference was myself. As if I weren't already a thinker. Mostly, too much of a thinker. Anyway, I studied with John whenever I could (still do) and other Anusara teachers as they come through for workshops. Thus far, I've failed to admit the fact that I had been 'teaching' yoga classes throughout his entire time period. Even, owning and operating a studio for a time. Hosting a workshop or two. It had been an obstacle to my own learning and I soon reduced the amount of classes that I 'taught' and, even, sold my studio (for a multitude of reasons, not all related.) I was happy for the opportunity to settle more deeply in my own practice. Knowing that this would only benefit my teaching in the classes that remained. And it has. How could it not? But, I think I may have forgotten, for a time at least, how I was introduced to this path. I believe I began to doubt my intentions. As I am about to embark on a THIRD Immersion, I have been disecting my purpose and growth in yoga. What has been revealed is that I do not "learn it to teach it"...that teaching is, and has always been, a vehicle for my own understanding of the vast richness presented to me in study and practice. If the upcoming year should expose some weakness in my learning and teaching, I will, without question, quit teaching. I will not sacrifice my journey on the path of yoga in order to hold a captive audience. That is what a stage is for. And, in truth, if that is what I truly desired I would pursue a hobby in theater. Yoga mustn't be a 'hobby'...and it is MUCH more than a way to get/stay fit...I can only surmise that yoga is life. Not a life. Life. For me, thus far, yoga has not only made me more aware but has saturated every part of me. My life is MUCH more complex (certainly more complete) and not any less hard...and quite possibly...has become even MORE worrisome. Judith Lasater said it best, and said it true, "Yoga will ruin your life. Thank God." Yeah. Well. No kidding.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Greening
Once upon a time, a woman lived. Well. Extremely well. At least in her eyes. She did her best to leave the world as, or better than, she found it. Knowing, as she lived this way, it was a lofty mission. Her teachers were exemplary in demonstrating right-living, and she referred to them often in times of confusion. And there were many. Confusing times. Quite often, it was more difficult making the most life-affirming choices. In fact, it was ALWAYS more difficult...at least, initially "difficult" held the definition. Then, it became excruciating. Because, all at once, the woman realized her attempts to live 'rightly' were feeble at best. All at once. The revelation descended upon her as the sudden inability to exhale. Anxiety overtook her. She understood nothing. Her former self-righteousness embarrassed her. Caring for her body had been limited to eating right, exercising and meditating (kinda)...she now realized that her "Body" consisted of much more than her flesh and bones but that it entailed the WHOLE of creation! She realized that every single thing she thought, said, or did affected EVERYTHING...EVERYWHERE...All the time. Her task of recycling...of being "Green" wasn't enough. Never had been. She didn't really know if she was capable of doing what she now understood was essential for the health of her "Body." The woman resolved to take baby steps. Continue with mindfulness, but expand it exponentially. She thanked her teachers for bringing the obvious to her attention, and made the commitment to try to live as well as possible...from here on...ad infinitum.
...to be continued.
...to be continued.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
माय Teachers
I am always thinking about my teachers...how grateful I am for them. I have more than I have ever had...despite dozens of years in school. Instructors aren't the same as teachers, and, well, that's what a lot of school was for me: Instruction. I have actually found that I NEED someone to help guide me on this path of right-living...maybe it's not the need itself, but the humility to recognize the need that has changed me. That's it. Humility. Finally realizing that I don't know everything...or anything, really. And that beautiful revelation isn't meant to be self-deprecating. It is more empowering than I ever imagined.
My kids...well...they're a spazzy bunch. And sassy...like their mom. They throw fits...like their mom (yep. I do.) They yell (yep.) They fight (actually, no...that I never did.) They over-dramatize EVERYTHING...(who me? no...never.) They are the greatest teachers...showing me the way. The RIGHT way. Their sweet innocence (despite the fallibilities of childhood)teaches me what I never knew, or perhaps, forgot. I've often said, "I thought I was a good person...'til I had kids." It's not really meant to be funny (though it is)...it's true for me. My kids have helped me to begin to let go of my "ego mind." Can't help it. Before I make ANY sort of plans, I have to consider what the repercussions will be for my kids. Takes the ego out of EVERYTHING.
On the other end is my yoga teachers. Y'all have heard me credit them...or mention them. I've had many (but not as many as some) and I credit them all for my place in the Universe right now. I've learned that the students sometimes (most of the time) eventually outgrow the teachers. It is the teachers responsibility to inform the student. After all, they are the teacher and sometimes students are so devoted so in love so dedicated...they can't see the forest through the trees. In my experience, it's a period of years...perhaps decades...before this can happen. It can be as painful as a divorce...but not as, typically, negative. The intention is to encourage the student to pursue another guide on this phase of the path...not to discredit or dis-empower the previous teacher. In more than one way, it is a form of love. To keep a student longer than necessary is ego mind. Believing that the teacher will ALWAYS supercede the student...rarely the case. Sometime the student may transcend the teacher. *GASP* No. Really. My teachers are ALL brilliant. More brilliant than I will EVER be. The credit is due their diligence and insurmountable tolerance in leading me. But, as the student grows...perhaps it's more about the WAY the student needs to be taught than the teachings themselves. It's all about presentation, people. I'm guilty of this scenario: Know the teacher well. Used to the method. Something new...but not in the presentation. *yawn*...nothing gets retained...because I've tuned out. Key point: It's NOT the teacher...it's ME. And that fact alone contributes to the necessity of change. Never would I blame the giver...but, me as the receiver.
Change is what life consists of. Really, what makes life interesting. For me, anyway. And, 12 years ago NO ONE could have convinced me that I'd be a mother...much less a mother to 4 kids. That would have been my ego. "Sorry...PhD is on the menu...not family."
Well, here I am. Thankful. In love. Completely blissed-out in the way my life has, thus far, unfolded. I can't WAIT for the next 40 years!
My kids...well...they're a spazzy bunch. And sassy...like their mom. They throw fits...like their mom (yep. I do.) They yell (yep.) They fight (actually, no...that I never did.) They over-dramatize EVERYTHING...(who me? no...never.) They are the greatest teachers...showing me the way. The RIGHT way. Their sweet innocence (despite the fallibilities of childhood)teaches me what I never knew, or perhaps, forgot. I've often said, "I thought I was a good person...'til I had kids." It's not really meant to be funny (though it is)...it's true for me. My kids have helped me to begin to let go of my "ego mind." Can't help it. Before I make ANY sort of plans, I have to consider what the repercussions will be for my kids. Takes the ego out of EVERYTHING.
On the other end is my yoga teachers. Y'all have heard me credit them...or mention them. I've had many (but not as many as some) and I credit them all for my place in the Universe right now. I've learned that the students sometimes (most of the time) eventually outgrow the teachers. It is the teachers responsibility to inform the student. After all, they are the teacher and sometimes students are so devoted so in love so dedicated...they can't see the forest through the trees. In my experience, it's a period of years...perhaps decades...before this can happen. It can be as painful as a divorce...but not as, typically, negative. The intention is to encourage the student to pursue another guide on this phase of the path...not to discredit or dis-empower the previous teacher. In more than one way, it is a form of love. To keep a student longer than necessary is ego mind. Believing that the teacher will ALWAYS supercede the student...rarely the case. Sometime the student may transcend the teacher. *GASP* No. Really. My teachers are ALL brilliant. More brilliant than I will EVER be. The credit is due their diligence and insurmountable tolerance in leading me. But, as the student grows...perhaps it's more about the WAY the student needs to be taught than the teachings themselves. It's all about presentation, people. I'm guilty of this scenario: Know the teacher well. Used to the method. Something new...but not in the presentation. *yawn*...nothing gets retained...because I've tuned out. Key point: It's NOT the teacher...it's ME. And that fact alone contributes to the necessity of change. Never would I blame the giver...but, me as the receiver.
Change is what life consists of. Really, what makes life interesting. For me, anyway. And, 12 years ago NO ONE could have convinced me that I'd be a mother...much less a mother to 4 kids. That would have been my ego. "Sorry...PhD is on the menu...not family."
Well, here I am. Thankful. In love. Completely blissed-out in the way my life has, thus far, unfolded. I can't WAIT for the next 40 years!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A Gift
As a write this, a little boy I know struggle for his life. Having read, "The Divine Matrix" I am inspired by the idea of emotive healing. So I did it. At 12:00 today, I paused for one minute and FELT Parker better. Healed. Pain-free. Happy. I know I'm not the only one. I want with all my soul for this to be true and for him to be completely disease-free.
Wow. This life is a roller-coaster. I know this. I always have. That's what keeps me interested in this mortal existence. At a deep level, I have always understood that life was meant to be both tragic and joyful. And, not always in balance. And, I've always understood (sometimes in different contexts due to plenty of research into various religions) that no matter what happens we continue to exist in the Universe long after our mortal lives have ended. It's become my intention to live without creating MORE suffering than is necessary in the world. As Parker fights his valiant battle against an extremely resilient opponent, I can only offer him the most pain free path I can emote. Visions of him smiling. Loving. Laughing.
This is the gift I must offer to everyone. So I do. Copiously. Jai jai jai.
Wow. This life is a roller-coaster. I know this. I always have. That's what keeps me interested in this mortal existence. At a deep level, I have always understood that life was meant to be both tragic and joyful. And, not always in balance. And, I've always understood (sometimes in different contexts due to plenty of research into various religions) that no matter what happens we continue to exist in the Universe long after our mortal lives have ended. It's become my intention to live without creating MORE suffering than is necessary in the world. As Parker fights his valiant battle against an extremely resilient opponent, I can only offer him the most pain free path I can emote. Visions of him smiling. Loving. Laughing.
This is the gift I must offer to everyone. So I do. Copiously. Jai jai jai.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Pause
The pause.
In classes, lately, the subject of pulling back...of holding center before reacting, has held court. Not coincidentally, I'm in the middle of a great book that was recommended to me and that I will recommend to you, called, "Radical Acceptance." (On a side, I will admit to being in the middle of several great books...which leads back to the theme of pausing and holding court.) This book, written by Tara Brach, is probably one of the most influential books on self-healing that I've read (trust me, I've read many...) due to my crazy tendency (oops, there's that degrading label...) of feeling less than adequate. Most of the time. Yep.
Self-deprecating, yet confident. It's a strange combination that is most likely rooted in my life as a 'survivor'...as opposed to 'victim'. My constant (yet endearing : ) gift of gab. Slowing. Pausing. Re-grouping. It has helped me, on occasion, to pull-back when my instinct tells me to plow forward...consequences be damned. What I have discovered during these times of silence (!) is the ability to identify where the reaction is coming from. Physically and emotionally. For instance, every time I have new students in class my belly does flip-flops and my heart-rate speeds up (third and fourth chakras)...I question my efficacy as a yoga teacher (who doesn't?) And that, of course, is rooted in my old feelings of inadequacy and "nerdiness." Having labeled (or at least targeted) my insecurity, that leads me to the soothing affirmation that no matter what they come away from class thinking, I've done my best.
Perhaps a more general example is that of parenting (gasp!) I feel I live a double life...or at least that of a split personality. My kids make me CRAZY. I'm pretty laid back as a parent...spent the last 10 years establishing only the most necessary of boundaries...which worked well for my very responsible 10 year old girl. But, my seven year old boy...well, let's just say he's a different case. And, I won't even mention my three year old...or my 16 year old stepson. Let's keep it to the 10 and seven year olds. While they are both brilliant (unbiased mother, of course) my son isn't motivated when it comes to school work (or any work for that matter)...but he's an amazingly social and popular kid at school (unlike his mother's elementary school years). He also has an affinity for 'fit-throwing'. Out of control, throwing his body on the floor, keening at the top of his lungs fits. Ew. I HATE those. The good news is, he only does it at home. Or, at least, only when his mother is around. Which may include trips to the grocery store. Lord! So...as his father and I try to assert boundaries that we didn't have to with his older sister, we are constantly hearing..."THAT ISN'T FAIR" ummm...yeah. "Well, buddy...life isn't fair." My point is, I've had to create completely different parenting tactics for all of my kids. My 10 year old is very responsible, but now she's getting this arrogant attitude...my latest response to her ego was, "Listen kid. You have NOT lived long enough to earn this attitude. Drop it now. Or, you will have no friends by the time you enter high school." Yeah...that's me. Perhaps a little too dramatic...but, instilling a little fear into my children seems to be a favorite past-time of mine (ahem! "Skookums"...a subject for another blog.)
My children. Ah. A humbling brood. I thought I was such a good person...until I had kids. I discovered my yelling voice...my trigger points...alcohol...my 'just go away and leave me alone' mood. But, only recently have I discovered a way to pause at the brink of implosion (or explosion depending on the circumstance) and to just breathe. In Brach's book, she calls it the "Sacred Pause"...oh yeah. It is holy. Transformative. Life-saving.
Get the book, if you haven't already (I've been known to be a little behind in pop culture...) devour it. If you are a Type-A, reactionary person (not unlike myself) it will save you.
All my love, gratitude and blessings, Kim.
In classes, lately, the subject of pulling back...of holding center before reacting, has held court. Not coincidentally, I'm in the middle of a great book that was recommended to me and that I will recommend to you, called, "Radical Acceptance." (On a side, I will admit to being in the middle of several great books...which leads back to the theme of pausing and holding court.) This book, written by Tara Brach, is probably one of the most influential books on self-healing that I've read (trust me, I've read many...) due to my crazy tendency (oops, there's that degrading label...) of feeling less than adequate. Most of the time. Yep.
Self-deprecating, yet confident. It's a strange combination that is most likely rooted in my life as a 'survivor'...as opposed to 'victim'. My constant (yet endearing : ) gift of gab. Slowing. Pausing. Re-grouping. It has helped me, on occasion, to pull-back when my instinct tells me to plow forward...consequences be damned. What I have discovered during these times of silence (!) is the ability to identify where the reaction is coming from. Physically and emotionally. For instance, every time I have new students in class my belly does flip-flops and my heart-rate speeds up (third and fourth chakras)...I question my efficacy as a yoga teacher (who doesn't?) And that, of course, is rooted in my old feelings of inadequacy and "nerdiness." Having labeled (or at least targeted) my insecurity, that leads me to the soothing affirmation that no matter what they come away from class thinking, I've done my best.
Perhaps a more general example is that of parenting (gasp!) I feel I live a double life...or at least that of a split personality. My kids make me CRAZY. I'm pretty laid back as a parent...spent the last 10 years establishing only the most necessary of boundaries...which worked well for my very responsible 10 year old girl. But, my seven year old boy...well, let's just say he's a different case. And, I won't even mention my three year old...or my 16 year old stepson. Let's keep it to the 10 and seven year olds. While they are both brilliant (unbiased mother, of course) my son isn't motivated when it comes to school work (or any work for that matter)...but he's an amazingly social and popular kid at school (unlike his mother's elementary school years). He also has an affinity for 'fit-throwing'. Out of control, throwing his body on the floor, keening at the top of his lungs fits. Ew. I HATE those. The good news is, he only does it at home. Or, at least, only when his mother is around. Which may include trips to the grocery store. Lord! So...as his father and I try to assert boundaries that we didn't have to with his older sister, we are constantly hearing..."THAT ISN'T FAIR" ummm...yeah. "Well, buddy...life isn't fair." My point is, I've had to create completely different parenting tactics for all of my kids. My 10 year old is very responsible, but now she's getting this arrogant attitude...my latest response to her ego was, "Listen kid. You have NOT lived long enough to earn this attitude. Drop it now. Or, you will have no friends by the time you enter high school." Yeah...that's me. Perhaps a little too dramatic...but, instilling a little fear into my children seems to be a favorite past-time of mine (ahem! "Skookums"...a subject for another blog.)
My children. Ah. A humbling brood. I thought I was such a good person...until I had kids. I discovered my yelling voice...my trigger points...alcohol...my 'just go away and leave me alone' mood. But, only recently have I discovered a way to pause at the brink of implosion (or explosion depending on the circumstance) and to just breathe. In Brach's book, she calls it the "Sacred Pause"...oh yeah. It is holy. Transformative. Life-saving.
Get the book, if you haven't already (I've been known to be a little behind in pop culture...) devour it. If you are a Type-A, reactionary person (not unlike myself) it will save you.
All my love, gratitude and blessings, Kim.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Today I showed a bad picture of myself to a room full of strangers.
Mostly because I wanted to prove that even our "bad" moments are transient.
It was a pic of me at 10...pre-orthodontia.
yep. Buck teeth.
Hence, my nickname through the 6th grade, "Kim Buck-tooth"
Well...it helped to make me who I am today.
Resilient.
Steadfast.
Surly.
But...in a way, those years of childhood drama and torment were a blessing.
So today...we talked about what we have been protecting...what secrets have we withheld??? Who have we made ourselves appear to other people???
Well...I, for one, have really plugged the smile thing.
Before braces, I never smiled...except when i couldn't help it...and my protruding front teeth made themselves obvious.
All of this is in an effort to gain freedom. What effort are we putting into withholding secrets that, honestly, no one but us cares about??
Probably too much.
So I showed a hideous picture of me squinting into the camera with a severe overbite and a gaze that looks like it came from too many bong hits...(but, I was only 10...so that probably wasn't the case...) How freeing it was. Yep. Cliche'. I know. But, it was the one photo I have hidden from my friends and family since 1979. Guess what??? I don't think anyone even cared. In fact, I know they didn't...'cause here's the thing..."WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO MAKE OUR LIVES HELL" so...does showing this pic mean I am completely free of my demons??? Uh. No.
BUT!
Today...I feel GOOD! Damn good. 'cause now...EVERYONE knows how ugly I was at 10.
Love and blessings...Kim
Saturday, April 18, 2009
God, Beer and Crazy People
Driving home today...enjoying the gorgeous sunshine and ruminating over life and the Universes' sense of humor...a song came on that just made me laugh out loud, despite the serious theme. And, yeah...for those of you who know me, it was a country song (some of us can't escape our roots, no matter how hard we try and afar we fly from home...) "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy." Yup. Pretty much. Sums up life in this world. And, in reference to the past few days of ranting over grumpy, mean, arrogant people...it's actually a reassuring thought. Don't you think? But really, if I consider that I'm just as crazy (or more so) than the next person it completely changes whatever perspective I may tend to adopt regarding the situation. AWESOME! It also makes it possible for me to really take a second look...to step back and put myself in the other persons' shoes. That way I am a whole lot less likely to judge harshly (or, perhaps, not even judge at all.) Another benefit to this way of thinking is I am also less likely to be AS hard on myself...hmmmmmmm...so, think for a moment...an opportunity to just accept me (you) as I (you) am (are)..."self-acceptance"...a radical thought (also a terrific book I highly recommend "Radical Acceptance.") Let's move on...
Parenting is hard. And maybe not so rewarding...at least at first...and for some, it may always not be (rewarding, that is.) I have friends who are the parents I aspire to be...but, alas...I never will be.
Not gonna happen.
Uh-uh.
No way.
Not in the cards.
Not wired that way.
Not my dharma.
[sigh]
It makes me crazy sometimes...well, okay...most of the time. My best friend is this ambitious, ever-present, doting, volunteering, homework-helping, organic-food-entire-meal cooking, bedroom-cleaning, spaghetti-sauce-from-scratch-making icon of perfection. Um. Yeah. That's right. I'm not. Well, I am ambitious and I guess I do cook organic as I can...but my sauce comes from a jar. And, the few times I've cleaned my kids' rooms...not so much as a "Thanks Mom!" and in less than a day the rooms are a disaster again. Yep. That's gratitude for ya. It irks me. Not because I was this particularly gracious child...but I have to say I was a lot more grateful. It's a weird thing with these last coupla generations...entitlement. Huh. I shake my head as I watch the neighbors buy their 16 year old just-licensed daughter a nicer car than I drive (and I must add that they are not better off financially...) I can't wrap my brain around what the outcome of this generation will be through the "spoiling" and "entitlement" we've given them. Wow. Anyone?
AHEM.
Self-acceptance. So...I let my kids make their own toast...sometimes I even make them make their own lunches. I DON'T clean their rooms...so they have to live in the filth or clean it themselves. And, believe it or not, I do help them with their homework when they ask. If they choose to do it. And if they don't, they face the consequences (my first grader doesn't like to do homework...so he loses privileges when I get a call from his teacher.) There are boundaries and I make them accountable. But it has been a hard road. I feel guilty, more often than not, for not riding my son about doing his homework. For not cooking fully organic meatless meals (try that when your married to a meat cutter.) For watching them "wade" through their stye of a room. But, I'm slowly becoming more accepting of my lacking skills. I'll have you know that I choose to be lacking...remember the "people are crazy" truth?? Well...call me crazy. I'll be happier, when all is said and done.
Accepting, honoring and LOVING myself as crazy.
That's right.
C-R-A-Z-Y
ENJOY!
Much Love and Many Blessings...Kim
Parenting is hard. And maybe not so rewarding...at least at first...and for some, it may always not be (rewarding, that is.) I have friends who are the parents I aspire to be...but, alas...I never will be.
Not gonna happen.
Uh-uh.
No way.
Not in the cards.
Not wired that way.
Not my dharma.
[sigh]
It makes me crazy sometimes...well, okay...most of the time. My best friend is this ambitious, ever-present, doting, volunteering, homework-helping, organic-food-entire-meal cooking, bedroom-cleaning, spaghetti-sauce-from-scratch-making icon of perfection. Um. Yeah. That's right. I'm not. Well, I am ambitious and I guess I do cook organic as I can...but my sauce comes from a jar. And, the few times I've cleaned my kids' rooms...not so much as a "Thanks Mom!" and in less than a day the rooms are a disaster again. Yep. That's gratitude for ya. It irks me. Not because I was this particularly gracious child...but I have to say I was a lot more grateful. It's a weird thing with these last coupla generations...entitlement. Huh. I shake my head as I watch the neighbors buy their 16 year old just-licensed daughter a nicer car than I drive (and I must add that they are not better off financially...) I can't wrap my brain around what the outcome of this generation will be through the "spoiling" and "entitlement" we've given them. Wow. Anyone?
AHEM.
Self-acceptance. So...I let my kids make their own toast...sometimes I even make them make their own lunches. I DON'T clean their rooms...so they have to live in the filth or clean it themselves. And, believe it or not, I do help them with their homework when they ask. If they choose to do it. And if they don't, they face the consequences (my first grader doesn't like to do homework...so he loses privileges when I get a call from his teacher.) There are boundaries and I make them accountable. But it has been a hard road. I feel guilty, more often than not, for not riding my son about doing his homework. For not cooking fully organic meatless meals (try that when your married to a meat cutter.) For watching them "wade" through their stye of a room. But, I'm slowly becoming more accepting of my lacking skills. I'll have you know that I choose to be lacking...remember the "people are crazy" truth?? Well...call me crazy. I'll be happier, when all is said and done.
Accepting, honoring and LOVING myself as crazy.
That's right.
C-R-A-Z-Y
ENJOY!
Much Love and Many Blessings...Kim
Friday, April 17, 2009
"A smile a day..."
There is always a reason to smile. I was reminded of that today by a respected friend and fellow yoga teacher. She said smiling helps. And, yeah...it does. Our days are never 'perfect'...and, many days we'd rather not smile. But, as I push the big 4-0 (36 days and counting) I am ever-searching for a miracle to slow the aging process. Remember in 8th grade Health class when the teacher said "it takes fewer facial muscles to smile than to frown..."?...hmmm...I don't know if the logic there would uphold the idea of reducing sagging and wrinkling...but it's a nice idea. Smiling helps the heart. It helps with fostering joy...our true nature. And, probably the biggie, even if you feel grumpy, painful and angry, smiling will take the edge off. An old boyfriend of mine (who shall remain nameless) was an elite runner and he once told me, "Kim, when you run you look pissed-off and scary...At least grimace, then the world-at-large will THINK you're enjoying yourself..." and, despite the years that have gone by, I've remembered that quote and shared it MANY times with clients and students. In other words, SMILE!...whether you feel like it or not...your soul will reap the benefits, eventually.
I promise ???
Love and Blessings (...and gratitude to the nameless contributors who unwittingly contributed to this blog) Kim
I promise ???
Love and Blessings (...and gratitude to the nameless contributors who unwittingly contributed to this blog) Kim
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Close on the heels of yesterdays 'rant' comes this encapsulated description of what is good 'behavior' as teachers.
With great respect, honor and love I ask you all to please ponder the following as it can certainly be applied to 'everyday' life...with sincere, heartfelt devotion, I honor John Friend as the following words are his:
"Ethical Guidelines
As yoga teachers, we are a leading example to our students. We have a responsibility to them, to our teachers, and to ourselves to behave in a moral and ethical manner and to maintain a high degree of personal integrity.
The following ethical principles are general guidelines of behavior instead of rigid rules. These guidelines must be applied on a relative basis to each unique circumstance and context in which the yogi is involved. Overall, the Anusara yogi seeks to glorify Shri—that which is life-enhancing, beautiful, and auspicious.
Classical Ethical Guidelines
Yamas: (Behavior restraints) Ethical guidelines for the yogi pertaining to her relationship with others in society, the outer environment, or Nature. All the yamas apply to actions, words, and thoughts.
Ahimsa (Non-harming): Loving kindness to others, not blocking or obstructing the flow of Nature, compassion, mercy, gentleness. Non-violence.
Satya (Truthfulness): Being genuine and authentic to our inner nature, having integrity, honesty, being honorable, not lying, not concealing the truth, not downplaying or exaggerating. Truthfulness.
Asteya (Non-stealing): Not taking what is not yours—money, goods, or credit. Not robbing people of their own experiences and freedom. Non-desire for another’s possessions, qualities, or status. Non-stealing.
Brahmacharya (Walking or having ethical conduct like God): Relating to another with unconditional love and integrity, without selfishness or manipulation. Practicing sexual moderation, restraining from sexual misconduct, and avoiding lustful behavior. Celibacy/chastity.
Aparigraha (Non-clinging): Non-grasping, non-receiving, non-possessiveness, voluntary simplicity, not accumulating things beyond what is necessary, non-attachment to possessions, greedlessness. Non-covetousness.
Shauca (Purity): Cleanliness, orderliness, precision, clarity, balance. Internal and external purification. Cleanliness.
Santosa (Contentment): Equanimity, peace, tranquility, acceptance of the way things are. Contentment.
Tapas (Heat): Burning desire for reunion with God expressed through self-discipline, purification, willpower, austerity, and patience. Self-mortification.
Svadhyaya (Study of the Self): Self-inquiry, mindfulness, self-study, study of the scriptures, chanting and recitation of the scriptures. Searching for the Unknown (divinity) in the Known (physical world). Scriptural Study.
Ishvara Pranidhana (Devotional offering to the Lord): Surrender to God, open-heartedness, love, “not my will, but Thy will be done,” willingness to serve the Lord. Surrender to God.
Other Ethical Guidelines
Honor and love yourself as a divine being full of goodness and greatness.
Stay centered in your divine Self and you will connect more powerfully with the students.
Have shraddha—faith and trust in the power and order of the Supreme. Put your will in alignment with the will of the Supreme and open to the power of Grace.
Conduct and express yourself in a genuine manner that reflects your love, respect, and wonder for the art. This expression comes naturally out of your practice. Show your enthusiastic love for sharing yoga with the students in every gesture, facial expression, and voice inflection. This also makes it easy and enjoyable to listen to you.
Show humility. Show and admit your limitations—don’t put yourself down, but objectively show your physical limitations and the limits to your knowledge of yoga. When you don’t know the answer to a question, say, “I don’t know.” Be willing to do research and to bring an answer back to the student as soon as possible. Your honesty and diligence will earn respect from the students.
Tell and show the students that you are also a student. Remind them you were also, once, a raw beginner. By keeping in mind your days as a raw beginner, you will stay humble. Also, reminding yourself of your past will foster compassion for your beginning students.
Be welcoming to all students regardless of gender, race, religion, creed, nationality, cultural background, or sexual preference.Give feedback by first looking for what is right—the beauty, the light, and the positive in people and things—instead of the ugliness, the darkness, or what is wrong. In this way you will always give the student the benefit of the doubt.
Use right speech. Speaking is one of our primary forms of communication. Awareness not only of what we say, but also of how and when we speak will help to maintain right speech. Before speaking, examine what you are about to say using The Four Gates of Speech:
• Is it truthful?
• Is it necessary to say?
• Is it the appropriate time?
• Can it be said in a kind way?
Truthfully and accurately represent your teaching experience and training in all self-promotions.
Be loving, kind, friendly, and respectful to the students. Be willing to serve and help them as best as you can. Honor them as divine beings full of goodness and greatness.Be courteous and polite. Say, “Please,” sometimes.
Respect them as intelligent, educated, and mature people. Be
personable. Address them by their names, which is more respectful than saying, “Hey! You in the purple shorts, separate your feet wider apart.”
Never demean or abuse a student physically or verbally. Never hit, slap, kick, or yell at a student.
Never condescend, degrade, or talk down to the students as if they were children or stupid. Never scold a student with, “Did I say to do that?!”
Never judge the character of a student by making a broad statement such as, “You are a ______ type of person.” You can state particular observations about their behavior in the moment, such as, “Today, you are not as focused as usual.”
Be generous with your time and energy toward the students. For example, make yourself available to answer questions or to listen to students’ comments before or after class. Also, be willing to offer a few minutes free of charge outside of class to a particular student working on a pose or an issue she is having trouble with.
Motivate and inspire students to optimum alignment, action, and attitude. Be positive and give constructive reinforcement. When the students do something that is commendable, tell them, “Yes!,” “Good,” or “Well done.” Smile, nod with approval or gesture with your hands, like with a thumbs up signal to positively support good performance.
Encourage and honor independent thinking and the spirit of exploration in the student. If a student respectfully disagrees with you on a particular teaching point because her experience is different than yours, she should be honored for not conforming mindlessly to your view.
Be patient with yourself and the students. Acknowledge that yoga is a process.
Be confident and strong in your actions and words to express your authority appropriately. You are in the seat of the teacher, so you are in charge of the class. Stand tall with full power.
In general, stand and walk around while teaching so that you exude more enthusiasm, dynamism, and awareness. Sitting or standing fixed in one place generally reduces the energy of the class, and the energy of the teacher can seem less powerful to the students.
For the most part, keep your arms by your sides and your heart lifted. Not only does this posture exhibit confidence and a positive attitude, but it also leaves your hands free to adjust students’ postures. Do not cross your arms across your chest or make nervous or extraneous hand gestures. Such postures and gestures might cause the students to misinterpret your attitude as one of disinterest or lack of confidence.
The Seat of the Teacher
As yoga teachers, we are an example and a model for many people. Our behavior reflects upon the great tradition and lineage of yoga which we represent. Consequently, we must exhibit a very high degree of personal integrity in all matters, both inside and outside the classroom. A high standard of professional competence and integrity can be maintained through regular practice and study, and a virtuous and healthy lifestyle. A high degree of personal integrity is prerequisite in order to be well respected as a professional yoga teacher.
Many students look to the yoga teacher as a guide and mentor, not only for physical development, but for emotional and spiritual development as well. Students tend to project high ideals onto the teacher, so they often think the teacher is more spiritually advanced than they are. Consequently, the student will tend to trust and open up to the teacher in a more psychically vulnerable and more emotionally receptive way than in most relationships. This creates an inherent power differential between the teacher and the student. Because of this power differential, we must be vigilant to uphold the integrity of the seat of the teacher. We must never exploit the vulnerability of the student for our own personal gain or gratification. Clear boundaries must be established and maintained in our role of serving our students.
We must take the responsibility of creating and sustaining both a sacred and safe environment for all students. The student needs to be able to take refuge safely in the seat of the teacher—the honorable role or the position the teacher represents. Trust in the seat of the teacher needs to be present for any deep transformations to occur in the student. As a yoga teacher, follow these guidelines:
Honor and embrace the seat of the teacher.
Verbally honor and pay tribute to your teachers and the sources of your knowledge and skill during each class.
Be happy and content in the seat of the teacher. You have been given the seat of the teacher because of your goodness and greatness. By remembering this, you can stay centered in the midst of criticism or disapproval. You will not always please everyone with your classes. Some disapproval is normal. Do not be disturbed by the students who are dull or unresponsive.
Avoid sexual relationships with students. When a sexual attraction occurs between you and a student, wait some weeks before acting on the attraction. If the student-teacher relationship is about to be compromised by any intimate relationship, it is advisable for the teacher to assist the student in finding another qualified yoga teacher.
Never sexually harass a student.
Follow all civil laws and other legal codes of behavior.
Stick to your convictions about being a model person and teacher. Be steadfast in your ethical behavior toward others. Be resolute and committed to all spiritual observances.
When speaking publicly about other yoga teachers or yoga systems, always say only something positive. Never publicly degrade or demean other yoga teachers or yoga systems.
Avoid making direct comparisons between Anusara yoga and other systems. In this way we can cultivate harmony and unity in the community. This further honors the great art and tradition of yoga that we represent.
When in doubt, follow the 3 S’s of Anusara yoga—Shri, Satya, and Svantantrya. Do that which is life-affirming, truthful, and freedom-enhancing." [J.F.]
I've been overwhelmed with concern for those of us who are "teachers" of yoga. We are the beacon that leads the way on the path...we must follow these words and live by example. I know we're not perfect, 'cause we're human, but consider Shri (or at least, the 4 gates of speech) before acting, speaking or even thinking...and with that attention, perhaps we can better lead a 'congregation' yearning for a (I didn't say 'the') way.
Much Love and Many Blessings, Kim
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Consternation
As I deepen into the path of yoga, I am patiently waiting for the "nice" people to surface...but, unexpectedly, it's quite the opposite that manifest. I have found, through the years (not that many, but a few admittedly) that there is more arrogance and self-righteousness amongst "yogis" than even the general population. This is a problem. I LOVE yoga...I love the philosophy and the devotion, the humility, the dedication, the concept that we are all, at one stage of life or the other, on the same path of destruction. I find this egoism the most prevalent among those people who call themselves 'teachers' of yoga. I've heard it said that it's because we are all damaged that we pursue this path of yoga...and, yeah, I get it...I'm just as messed up as the next girl and I humbly admit that it's yoga that keeps me from blowing my brains out...but, people! Those in the know must live by example! Just because someone has a 500 hr RYT (you know who you are) does NOT, necessarily, mean you have more of what it takes as a teacher than someone with an 200 hr or even less. REMEMBER WHERE YOU COME FROM! Remember your teachers! Remember them as if they were watching all that you say and do...would they agree with you?? Would they be proud??? Would they ADMIT that they were your teacher...seriously?? Arrogance is the Devils playground...assess your values. Assess your intentions. Know the difference between "bold and assertive" and "arrogant and ego-centric"...they are NOT the same.
Many Blessings and Much Love, Kim
Many Blessings and Much Love, Kim
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Website bulletin board
I am opening the mainstreetyogaspokane.com website as a bulletin board to all who wish to announce yoga-type events and projects. I would love to hear any feedback to make this site more effective in the purpose I wish it to serve.
Yoga Day USA is Saturday, January 24th and there are several events happening around Spokane. I encourage you all to attend at least one : )
Currently, I am teaching at several venues...but, I am thoroughly enjoying my time without a business to tend to. Nothing in life is a coincidence (my teacher says "Wake Up! Pay attention!") so my journey with the studio and it's "fall-out" was, in fact, growth. Now I know I am NOT a very good business manager and much prefer someone else to handle the logistics : )...keep me in the "ring" (so to speak) as a student and teacher and that is enough. Enough enough enough!
Yoga Day USA is Saturday, January 24th and there are several events happening around Spokane. I encourage you all to attend at least one : )
Currently, I am teaching at several venues...but, I am thoroughly enjoying my time without a business to tend to. Nothing in life is a coincidence (my teacher says "Wake Up! Pay attention!") so my journey with the studio and it's "fall-out" was, in fact, growth. Now I know I am NOT a very good business manager and much prefer someone else to handle the logistics : )...keep me in the "ring" (so to speak) as a student and teacher and that is enough. Enough enough enough!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Changes
Dear Friends and Fellow Seekers,
These recent changes have come at the time they MOST needed to! I thank all sincerely who supported and upheld what was MSY during it's brief (but firey) tenure.
All the teachers have moved on to newer and life-affirming ventures. Scott has returned to Palm Springs. I have found enough to inundate my already full schedule. I continue to teach yoga, Pilates and various other group-exercise classes at the Valley YMCA as well as keep the "open spaces" in my schedule filled with personal-training.
Enjoy the New Year!
Love to you all. KIm
These recent changes have come at the time they MOST needed to! I thank all sincerely who supported and upheld what was MSY during it's brief (but firey) tenure.
All the teachers have moved on to newer and life-affirming ventures. Scott has returned to Palm Springs. I have found enough to inundate my already full schedule. I continue to teach yoga, Pilates and various other group-exercise classes at the Valley YMCA as well as keep the "open spaces" in my schedule filled with personal-training.
Enjoy the New Year!
Love to you all. KIm
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