Slef-less love

Three years of hard work culminates in this highly-regarded (at least to me) trademark: "Anusara-Inspired" (tm) yoga teacher. Meanwhile...life continues on in the context of home-maker, wife, mother...strangely I am still fascinated by (or perhaps still clinging to) my life pre-accomplishments. Right. No kidding. As I read my teachers' blog, my inner-voice pipes in "Oh Kim! Get with it! Now you're Inspired...deepen your practice! Meditate more! Journal more! Read more philosophy! Chant more ! GET INTO LOTUS!" Then, some great Pop song comes on the radio and I'm transported back to my life as a hot, 28 year old holding the world (at least as I perceive it) in the palm of my age-spot-less hand (as a 28 year old). So it is,...in my poor head...not little, by any means. I'm comforted by the fact that I find myself extremely hilarious. A great teacher that I adore once said, "The key to being a successful teacher is to entertain yourself." That I do. As a Gemini, I have full conversations with my other "Self". And I laugh. A lot. I recently received 62 "evaluation forms" from my students at a local university that I teach at...all but one seemed to be as entertained by my humor as I am. In fact...leaving me with the average "1 in 60 students that I teach don't like me". Not bad. And, I'm trying not to care about that one persons' opinion. But. I do. Guh. I KNOW! "Really Kim (says the other, more confident and sassy side of the Gemini)? THAT'S ONLY ONE out of 60!" So...what do I do? I sit and conceive of a plan to teach NEXT semester so EVERYONE likes me...right. Yeah. The logical half of the Gemini says, "Duh. The kids are taking you for one credit. A good majority don't even CARE about yoga...much less you as a teacher. Get over it!" So...I'll listen harder to the logical side of my self. Or...should I say "Slef"...and make my lifetime friends outside of university credit classes.

This is the path of the householder. Make no mistake. The hardest path. There isn't a day that passes I don't dream of some far off cave in the Himalayas...cloistered. Cloaked from the view of others who may judge me harshly. Alone. Independent. Except for the two sides of my Slef. In constant conversation. And then...I remember how much I LOVE people. Even if they don't always love me...people fascinate me...and if it wasn't for teaching yoga, I'd have no excuse to remind them ALL how incredibly AWESOME they are. How awesome YOU are. And...how LOVED I am...

ROCK ON!