Pondering the Moon

It's the full moon in February. Also the last day of the month. As I research potential themes for my classes this week, I ran across the Ashtanga yoga tradition of not practicing on full moon or new moon days. Hmm. It seems that it has to do with the body's vulnerability to injury during these days. Our body is comprised mostly of water, and is therefore affected by the phases of the moon (like the tides of the oceans). In the Anusara tradition, the moon would be likened to Muscular Energy. As it reflects the rays of the sun and is wholly dependent upon another source for it's light. It draws from outside in. Without the nourishing, Organic illumination of the sun, it is dark and cold...and in fact, without the sun our galaxy would cease to exist as we know it. All life on this planet would end. Our planet hangs in the balance between two necessary extremes. Ha - is the Sun. Tha - is the Moon. Hatha yoga is the scientific practice of finding balance in our selves as our world has between the polarity of the Muscular Energy of the Moon and the Organic Energy of the Sun. This week we will play with Muscular and Organic Energy and pray for the discovery of balance in our bodies. Eventually, the physical practice of Hatha yoga will lead us to the richer, deeper revelation of inner balance. Or, at least direct us on the path...if not actually, perhaps cosmologically :D

De-fanning the Fire

I'm a Vata-Pitta. Air and fire. That means I'm either anxious and afraid or angry and determined...or some of both: Anxiously pissed-off, fearfully angry, afraid that I'm angry, or pissed-off that I'm scared. Which could be scary (and life-threatening) when combined with 'determined' providing: A) There are any sharp objects nearby. B) there are any sharp, projectile objects nearby. C) there are any sharp POTENTIALLY projectile objects nearby...hell, and D) make that any objects that could become potentially projectile...blunt, sharp or able to be improvised as such.

While I've embraced my fiery nature...put it to good, constructive use...I'm a little less enchanted by my proclivity toward anger. My air fans my fire causing me to 'react' without thinking through the consequences (many of which affecting the lives of other people...)...just some of which may be hurt feelings (not mine.) I'm a mouthy girl. Sassy. A bit sarcastic. Even a little too honest sometimes (where others have the sense to veil the truth enough to soften the caustic facts...) This path of self-discovery unearthed (from the deep recesses of my ego) these non-life affirming vices. WHOA. Never mind that in the process, I've veritably torched (INCINERATED) numerous friendships...I've spent a good many years attempting to mend broken (burned) fences. Sadly (for me) most of which attempts got nowhere...neither absolution or satisfaction. Anxiety. That's it. Blah.

This path has showed me just that. The past is the past. AHA! My intentions to repair past failed relationships...or at least the hearts involved...never really succeeded. So. My change is thus: With awareness, I will cultivate and nurture the relationships that I now have. Use my loving words, not my acidic ones. Shine more. Dim less. Hug more...grab more ass...(well, you know what I mean ;) ...show the lasting LOVE that I really have...not the fleeting ire. What an epiphany!! An EXPLOSION of consciousness! Who'd a thought...?

This is a FIERY, WILD RIDE...gonna live it...LOT'S...with love.

Hard turns to soft

This is my heart. On fire. Melting. It's ecstatic. Over time, I have begun to ease my mind around particular ideas. No way to really explain how or why I've finally started to let go...but this is what's happening to me, now. Make no mistake, sometimes it's unbearable...excruciating. But, I'm all the softer for it. "Softness" was never a word I would use, willingly, to describe what I wanted to cultivate as a virtue. But I sure as hell didn't want to be "hard", either...which is, honestly, the more accurate description of my nature. Fiery is me, but it is fire that has melted my resistance to acknowledge (and change) my 'hard' ways. Fire describes my personality...but, it is also the method to my healing. "Poison as the cure" . My burning heart fills me with enthusiasm and fascination for this life that surrounds me...envelopes me. Unbridled love brimming over my sharp, steep edges. More now than ever before...even during moments of frustration and ire, I expand with understanding, even reverence, for my fallible nature. It's not like my old days...when I may not have even been aware of an outburst, or if I was, I would have been likely to chastise and denigrate myself for the behavior. Though the outbursts or frustrations may still occur more frequently than I'd like them to, I am consciously aware of them slowly (...ever so slowly) becoming less and less. This is what I strive for. More patience. Understanding. Compassion. Love. Toward myself as well as others. This heart of mine is a'melting. It's pure bliss. It's Shri. It's a journey. Walk on, Sister...

"Straight" Heart Afire

This great uprising of joy...of sensation. It's like when a fire begins at the base of a mountain, or canyon, and explodes chasing the tips of it's own flames to the top. It seems to be what is happening for me in this place. And, I have found that the more I open to the experience, the wilder the ride. It REALLY is blowing my ever-lovin' mind. It's not something that is fleeting (like a fire burning up a mountain side.) I can feel that it is sustaining...and, of course, the more I'm aware of it's sustenance the more I enjoy it. It fills me, quite literally, all the way up and expands in every direction from it's origin...which I feel is in the physical region of my pelvis. There is no denying it's effect on me...though it's intensity seems overwhelming at times (a lot of the time.) It's a big, gigantic, "YES!" And a big, hearty laugh. And, it casts a sparkly illumination on everything around me...especially people. Unbounded beauty surrounds me. It's a very good, powerful...BLISSFUL...fiery ride (all the way to the top.)

Lost (and stoned) In Translation

Okay, since I'm still trying VERY hard to wrap my brain around this yoga 'stuff' (and therefore can't really speak articulately about the richness and depth of it all)...I'm going to tell of an experience I had as a youth that I consider to be relative to opening up and receiving a great "AHA!"

As an eighth-grader, I was very sick with pneumonia and home from school for several weeks. In my abundance of downtime, I became fascinated with cryptic puzzles. Now, first, it's important to state the obvious, that I was heavily medicated...with antibiotics and pain killers (my pneumonia was accompanied by a case of bronchitis, so I was very uncomfortable...) One evening, I was puzzling over the intricacies of a particular cryptogram...struggling with the possibilities of translation. Ages and ages of frustration and contraction. At least, it had felt like ages. Hours really. Eventually, I became too tired (or perhaps, too stoned) and just sat staring at the puzzle with absolutely no effort. And, wouldn't you know it. It came to me. Just like that. Seemingly out of nowhere...."FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE." I was SO thrilled. Udyamo Bhairavah. But, the revelation only came to me when I finally let go of effort and contraction. And, of course, only AFTER hours of studying and staring at the same lines over and over and over and over and over (...so, not without Sakti-cakra-samdhane visva-samharah) did the puzzle finally open up to me. This is why we study. Eventually, my mind WILL begin to wrap itself around this stuff called 'Yoga'...but not without ages and ages of dedicated study (and practice) over an extended period of time.

Tat Sat.